Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
