I CAN MOONWALK!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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