I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
PS: I just woke up from my shower
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
