Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
