My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
