im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
