Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
