One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
