I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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