do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
