If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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