So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
