never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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