I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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