i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
