I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
