I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
