i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
