allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
