i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
