you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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