So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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