Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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