Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
