My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize