Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
