he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
