With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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