Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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