yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
