i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize