there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
