I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I AM VODKA MAN
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
