I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
