The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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