Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize