i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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