Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I intend to get homeless drunk
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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