Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?

Fav 9 1460 965
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.

Fav 10 3245 971
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(910): View more from North Carolina

All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...

(910): View more from North Carolina

It's inspiring.

Fav 13 3717 1598
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.

Fav 8 4061 1247
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(307): View more from Wyoming

this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.

Fav 15 1170 5295
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(330): View more from Ohio

After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.

Fav 5 1923 873
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(330): View more from Ohio

It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.

Fav 4 2267 1016
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.

Fav 2 66 25
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(864): View more from South Carolina

You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.

Fav 0 40 11
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