Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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