So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
