were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
bring money and cleavage
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
