Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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