Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
