Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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