they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
