Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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