I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
