Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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