you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
