he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
