ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
