I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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