Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
