Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
this hospital has no fireball
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
