i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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