how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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