On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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