we have pet lesbian snakes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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