Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
