I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
