We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
